Here are some of the accounts i recorded when i was at the dock. i have yet to write about the morning or sunset at the bay. i will leave the language colorful. open to criticism/ suggestions.
night
There are no dockworkers around. Some rest soundly in their ships, gently being rocked to sleep by the rhythmic sea. some have left after the day's work in their car, scooter, or shuttle bus that ships employees out from the dock by way of dry land. the orange glow from the lamps blanket the dock. They provide comforting safety to the sleeping barges like a night light in the hallway outside a child's room. The snore of the behemoth ships as they move on the water and creak against the dock is the only sound heard out on the dock over the water.
The monorail glides into sight as it patrols the sky above the dock's perimeter. cars and trucks run laps right under the monorail. The sound of the tires on the highway attempts to imitate the voice of the sea.
nearby a young couple sits on a curb getting wasted in the deserted area. The silo rests it's eyes before another day at work. a ship tries to enter the bay but is stopped by the guard ship. The antics of the ferris wheel across the bay.
2 comments:
on your poem; i think you use the word "docks" too much. i think you can cut most of them out since you've already established you are there and you are talking about things you would find at a dock. also, i found the term "wasted" sort of broke up the nice flow you had going, i'm sure you can think of a more poetic way to get this message across. other than that it was good i felt, the imagery and sound (dunno the technical word for it) were good, put you right in there. if you want suggestions or help, you know where to find me
I definitely think this could work as a sound recording piece narrated by you...that could go with maybe a slideshow of some images on your site? I think the narration plus some chill music or ambient wave noise would give your site that extra somethin-somethin.
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